Romantic Misunderstandings
by Psycofoxx
Summary: Krayon seeks Erutis' heart, Raenef wants a picnic, and Chris has some love spell problems. Oneshot chaos.


Fireflies spilled out under the night sky so that the stars seemed to descend down to Earth, much to the joy of the world's most lovable demon lord, who raced about waving at the luminescent insects and laughing. Chris followed with him, for a moment forgetting his bravado long enough to bask in the fun and innocence of a warm summer's night. Even Eclipse, forgot for the moment to be upset by the indignity of his sovereign lord playing with a human. Definitely a good night, Erutis thought to herself, from where she watched Raenef and sharpened her sword. Not that she really needed it here, she was taken care of as of food and shelter, and very few creatures would encroach a demon lord's lair -- besides herself and she hadn't done so well at that. The few who had come, weren't bothered by swordplay, not even a swordmaster's.

The absurdity of feeling good and safe while technically imprisoned by a demon lord, albeit a young one, was almost enough to make her laugh out loud. Then again, being captured by the demon lord Raenef was hardly a grueling experience. Despite Eclipse's best efforts, Rae was still not up on torturing and terrorizing his hapless captives and he treated her like a friend and guest -- Eclipse's mutterings aside.

In fact, her stay here was only a visit really... well extended vacation... without a set return date. She did have her own knights guild to take care of, but she was leery of it, considering they only served her out of fear of Krayon and not out of loyalty. The danger of that alone -- of not being entirely sure of the people guarding her back -- was one thing, but more importantly, she was just not about to accept his maneuvering to control her life. For the god's sake, there had to be a better way of courting a lady than making others live in terror of her. She had never been one for romance, but every girl had her fantasies, and her's had involved a suitor giving her flowers or chocolates, not the charred remains of her former employers, even if he had betrayed her! You'd think he'd never been on a date before or something, for the fifth eldest demon lord, that was kinda sad...

Elsewhere, Krayon was pondering that self-same dilemma, although he came out more favorably in his own mind than in his erstwhile ladylove. He hadn't had a date in 50,000 years and he wasn't sure what he could possibly be doing wrong. He'd tried all the usual things, giving her power, her own army, and had slaughtered the fools that opposed her, what else did a girl want anyway? Maybe if he made the King of some nation under his domain abdicate in her favor by threatening the royal family; no, she would probably hate the paperwork. Besides, he wanted her in his realm, not ruling some filthy mortal one. He hated to admit it, really, but maybe he should ask someone's advice on this one.

So, between one thing and another, he ended up asking Meruhesae, who seemed more than smug in meeting him.

"Advice on relationships?" She asked, arching an elegant black eyebrow and trying vainly to conceal her laughter behind the lacy fan she always carried. Of course, she knew before he had said a word, stupid seers.

"Well, you're a female." He answered defensively.

"That was an astute observation." She replied, tapping her claw-like fingernails against one of the multi-faceted floating bobbles that flitted about her personal dimension.

Krayon pouted, she might also be an elder demon too, but he was still a lot more powerful than she was, and the constant teasing was annoying. "Look, are you going to help, or do I need to recall the serving boys I ordered for you?"

The seer sighed, and then from thin air produced... a book.

"What's this?" Krayon asked, eying it oddly.  
"The Bridges of Madison County. Have fun."

"How can I read this? There's no pictures..."

"Look, do you want my training or not?"

Krayon sighed, "The things I do for love."

Raenef had decided to have a picnic. Now, this was not normally an abnormal request for a child of fifteen. For a young demon lord it was a bit off, even if it was this particular demon lord. It was especially difficult considering that Raenef's realm was situated inside a dry mountainous region with little to no bright grassy spaces. Now, this left two options, travel half a day out of Raenef's realm, and therefore outside his teleportation range, or radically change the weather patterns for the entire region to make it rain enough for grass to grow. Eclipse was all for causing some serious flooding, then maybe they could wipe out a few human settlements and the outing wouldn't be a total loss. Raenef however...

"But I don't want to drown the villagers!" The childlike lord protested.

"Lord Raenef, you do realize that to be a demon lord, you have to be evil, right? That means doing something evil occasionally." He'd gone over this lecture multiple times in the past, in fact, he was becoming very patient in dealing with Rae, which was a very unbecoming trait in a demon of the third order, but acceptable since it was his lord he was dealing with.

"That doesn't mean that I have to be mean about it!" Protested Raenef, eyes sparkling with tears.

Eclipse rubbed his temple against the forming headache, but he couldn't deny that much cuteness, at least not in Raenef, although, while patience might be overlooked, parental instincts were a definite no-no to infernal creatures, especially when it came to dealing with his own lord that way.

"Could you at least try to terrorize people, just a little? It's bad enough that we had to return your last sacrificial bride!" Pride would not let him bring up the fact that they had not kidnapped any villagers as slaves, so he was still doing the domestic work inside the castle.

"Do you think they would be tormented by me having a picnic?" Raenef asked hopefully.

"Only if you force them to eat German potato salad."

"Okay, I'll do that then!" Raenef answered, smiling broadly.

"Nooooo!" Chris yelled, running straight over to Raenef, "You have no idea what that stuff can do to people. Even if you are a demon lord, that goes too far." And then yelped and jumped away as his hands burst into flames.

"No fair, no fair!" He shrieked, fanning at his hands while Eclipse grinned.

"Or, you could use fruitcake."

"Vile demons!" Shrieked Chris in response, and then just shrieked as he realized that fanning his hands was making the fire worse. He raced away across the grounds of the demon castle and dove headfirst into a fountain, which meant he slammed his head against the marble bottom in water only a few inches deep.

"Hey, be careful!" Erutis called out from her perch in a window sill, "you're gonna hurt the stone if you keep hitting it with your hard head!"

Chris lifted his eyes so that they rose just above the rim of the fountain and glared back at her, bloody-nosed. "Did you hear what those demons are planning?"

"Maybe you could have done something if you weren't too pompous to be high priest of Rased, or if you showed up for sword practice once in awhile!"

"What do you mean, you just got back!" Chris shouted, jumping up out of the water and charging, slipping on his own tunic and falling face first over the fountain rim.

Eclipse turned away from where the two argued, with a sigh. "So you see, lord Raenef, you should be doing something more wicked than a picnic."

"Could I set something on fire after I'm done?" Asked Raenef hopefully.

"I suppose that will be alright, just so long as it's something important or valuable, preferably something alive." Eclipse sighed.

"Alive?" Raenef asked, giving Eclipse wibbly eyes.

"Okay, not alive, just make sure someone suffers, that's what being evil means!"

"Ummm, Okay, no problem!" Raenef amiled in sparkle mode, "Does this mean I can go?"

Eclipse nodded and Raenef cheered, running off to tell Chris and Erutis. Eclipse smiled to himself and then sighed, he had to go prepare the picnic food...

Krayon scowled at Meruhesae. "I still don't understand what you meant to say with your 'Textbook'."

"Look, what I mean, is that to win a girl's heart, you have to be sensitive to her needs. Find out what she wants, don't just assume that she likes the same things as you do."

"Are you implying that there's something wrong with my hobbies?"

She sighed, "Just do something she likes."

"Why? Oh, to make her feel good right. I already gave her a knight's guild, that seems to be her interest, it does. She didn't seem entirely happy with it though."

"I think you need to ease up a bit."

"I want to win her heart. Doing as I please is the key to long life, so I must do as I please, and it pleases me to win her heart."

"Then lighten up; give her a small present first."

"WHY AM I CARRYING EVERYTHING!" Chris screamed under his load, as he carted the picnic basket, blankets, and travel supplies for the whole days journey to the picnic zone.

"Because you're a freeloader living on Lord Raenef's suffrage." Eclipse shot back irritably.

"Why you dirty demon, I am a supergenius, I don't have to bear this! ARGH, mouth on fire!" The picnic supplies fell to the ground with a crash as Chris immediately began running in circles holding his hands over his mouth, which was releasing billowing clouds of black smoke.

"Yay!" Raenef shouted blithely, "Rest Break! My feet were killing me."

"Ug, same here." Erutis agreed, walking up a nearby hill to sit where a indentation in a boulder had made a comfortable seat in the rock. She leaned back, watching the blue sky overhead. A_t least it was a nice day for walking_, _since Raenef couldn't teleport outside his own realm, only up to the border. _

"This is a wonderful spot, especially with such a charming girl adorning the hillside."

Erutis twiched, and then leapt to her feet, staring at the space where Krayon had appeared, sitting casually in thin air. He wore his usual warm oranges and yellows, and his typical special affects that caused his cloak to flutter and the air to sparkle around him.

"You! You, were watching me again, weren't you?"

"Isn't it only natural that I watch the one I love?" Krayon asked smiling. A small sign appeared near him reading "Forgetting Meruhesae's advice completely."

"What do you mean love!" She shrieked, arching her shoulders like an angry cat.

"You are so cute when you're angry." Krayon sighed, taking in the outburst with adoring eyes.

"AGH! Just go away or I'll despise you forever!"

"You mean you _don't_ despise me now?" Krayon asked starry eyed.

"WE ARE NOT HAVING A MOMENT HERE!" Erutis screamed.

"Well, I take my leave of you." Krayon shrugged, as though he had just been leaving anyway, and still managing to look heartbroken at the same time. "I will bring you a gift next time, something to make you appreciate me."

Erutis scowled at the shower of glitter that fell to the ground in Krayon's absence. "He had better not try to give me some guy's kingdom."

"Erutis!" Raenef called, waving his hand frantically, distracting her from her irritation, "It's time to get going again!"

"Just a moment!" Erutis called back, walking back down to her friends. _At least she wasn't hurting for food at the moment._

Meruhesae tapped the crystal globe playfully, letting it drift over to bump the far wall. Well, the world had been awfully calm and peaceful lately. Far too calm and peaceful in fact, with the Raenef demon lord being a harmless child and Krayon dissolving into a pool of mush. There were other of demon lords of course, who were properly tormenting the innocent masses, but even a little less peril in the world was noticeable to a demon of her age. It was not her responsibility to torture people around the baby demon lord, but a little chaos, that might be amusing… Calling the nearest bobble to her, Meruhesae summoned the image of – a strangely Raenef looking man/woman walking along with a little bionic bunny-girl.

"WTF?" Meruhesae exclaimed uncharacteristically, "Were these characters even in the Demon Diary storyline?"

"Hell," She growled, lifting an edge of her flowing skirts to kick at the magical bobble cable box. The bobble fuzzed momentarily then finally focused in on an old well in black and white, something sinister seemed to move within the depths…"

Meruhesae kicked the box again and finally, the bobble showed Raenef and his companions. She studied them intently, she couldn't touch Raenef…obviously couldn't manage Eclipse…. Krayon would pitch a fit if she bothered the redhead, even worse than breaking a nail…. Well, that left the little cleric, didn't it? Now, what to do? It had to be something subtle, something to screw with his mind a little.

Krayon looked about the room. He needed something that Erutis would appreciate, something that she was interested in; he had hair curlers, thumbscrews, whip, jewelry, bondage gear, nothing to give a lady love... yet. The book implied that he had to keep something she gave him for years to convince her, but she'd never given him anything but animosity. In fact, it occurred to him that he was greatly out of practice in wooing women; he hadn't been in love since... well, he'd never been in love, but he had some practice with flirting with demon women, and the sacrificial offerings didn't count really. What to get for a ladylove who wasn't ladylike, of course that's why he loved her anyway, she wasn't like any of the women, human or demon that he met before, and he had lived a very long time. She had a temper as fiery as her hair and a fierceness unmatched by lions.

Sheesh, Meruhesae's "textbook" had apparently taught him how to mope and spout poetry, but he didn't think Erutis liked poetry, she just liked swords.

That's it, he could get her a sword, all she had now was a simple steel sword she'd gotten to replace the one she'd managed to break on Raenef's head. She had to have something magnificent, something worthy of her. A magical sword, but obviously it had to be one that a human could use... He looked into his collection of magical cutlery, "Excaliber, Masamune, Tetsuaiga, Changeling, nothing seemed quite right, but then it struck him -- literally as it fell off its high shelf -- yes, this would do.

Chris grumped, walking off to be by himself awhile. Eclipse had set his food on fire while he'd been carefully explaining his greatness and intelligence to Raenef. Stupid demon, even if he'd made the food... He was still just... stupid. Trees grew thickly around the little stream that cut across what was otherwise grasslands and rolling hills. Around a bend of rock was a small pool of cool water, overshadowed by trees. Frogs were in abundance, croaks and ribbits creating a cacophony of minor nosies. He slumped onto a dry spot of stone on the otherwise muddy bank and glared out over the water. It wouldn't be long now, yes, he would show them all his true supergeniusness, he just had to figure out how to do it.

If he had not been so occupied, he might have extended his holy senses to notice the subtle working of demonic magic. Below him, the pool ceased to reflect his image and all the forest darkened in premature shadow. When he looked out at the water, it only look... delicious, he was thirsty, working his mighty brain took energy.

Meruhesae looked into the bobble depicting the young priest. Drinking the water would cause him to develop an infatuation with the first thing he saw, likely a frog, considering where he was. She darkened the orb, she'd look later after a certain amount of damage was done, that was the most amusing way to proceed.

"Eclipse looklooklooook, a squirrel!" Raenef squealed happily, jumping up and down in his excitement at spotting the adorable fuzzy. Eclipse concealed a fond smile under a mask of blank exasperation at his master's undemonliness, concerning himself with that and missing in his distraction, the distant touch of magic.

Krayon looked into the mirror... He was so damn sexy.

Chris cupped his hands in the flow of the stream, where it ran the cleanest and brought it up to wash his face, and then he drank a handful of the water. Then it struck him -- Erutis' training sword, with a resounding thwack against his skull. Chris fell facefirst into the water, a large bump forming on his head.

"Damnit! How dare you interrupt a supergenius' pla-" But he got no further as he stared up at her from his vantage sitting in the slimy creekbed.

"You said you were going to practice after you finished eating, but you wandered off!" Erutis crossed her arms, glaring daggers at him that left bloody welts on his face.

"Oh, wow." Chris said stupidly in awestruck wonder, "You are beautiful!"

Erutis blinked. "Allright, I don't know what you are planing, but you had better--"

She was interrupted by Chris grabbing hold of her hand, kneeling still in the creek, "I apologize for not coming to practice, I'll never do it again."

"Don't you go funny on me too! I already have one psycho on my tail. Now look, I'm going back now, and you can come back when you're no longer crazy."

"But how can I stop being crazy about you?" Chris demanded distrughtly.

Erutis' eyes went wide in horror, "Okay, fine, I'm sorry I hit you! Cast a healing spell already, I think you have a concussion."

Chris looked at her in wounded devotion, "But I lo-"

Erutis smackd him again, knocking him into a daze. "Lets hope this fixes you," She declared, turning to leave.

Krayon laid the enchanted artifact in its case; Spellbreaker, a holy sword created by the clerics of Rased to shatter the magic spells of demons. In fact, the sword hated demons enough to jump off the shelf and hit his head periodically, but it couldn't manage much more than that, it wasn't made for the power of a demon lord. Incidentally, that was how he had come to acquire it, which did remind him...

Krayon ducked his head out a nearby window and swung the chain attached to the ledge, and to a man's ankle, knocking the unfortunate paladin into the wall and exciting the alligators below him into snatching at his fingers. "Welcome to century three of 'why you should always try a sword out before attempting to use it on a demon lord!'" He called down, grinning.

Now, back to the courtship gift. He needed a good time to give it to her, a time worthy of the gift, something romantic, but then, anytime Erutis was around it was special. "No time like the present!" he grinned, levitating the oaken case as he searched mentally for his beloved's whereabouts. "Wish me luck, man, I'm in love!" he declared exuberantly to the tortured paladin. He teleported away before the man could so much as moan in anguish.

Chris literally skipped through the field, delighted in the very feel of the sunlight on this most glorious of days. All this time, he'd hoped to be the greatest, to grasp the delight of letting all see his greatness, but now, now he knew what he needed to be perfectly happy, it was all so simple! Erutis! He'd never realized until today how beautiful she was! The only person worthy of being with him!

The idea that he could fail to win her heart did not even cross his mind, he was a supergenius after all, how could he fail?

There were so many flowers in bloom, all colors, all kind, but picking the best of them all, those worthy of her, would take some thinking. Only the best for his beloved.

Erutis swung her legs lazily across the surface of the small pond that sat beside their picnic place, leading down from the creek where... It was probably just a concussion, nothing some time, or another concussion, wouldn't cure. Gods! She didn't need another lovesick idiot following her around like a puppy. She couldn't teach him swordsmenship if he was fawning over her.

Wait a minute! She sat bolt upright, that was it! She growled. That sneaky, two-faced cleric, he'd just said that to make her leave him alone. He knew how that kind of thing threw her off! Her eyes began to glow with inner fire, causing Raenef to bounce backwards away from her. He was going to pay for tricking her! She jumped to her feet, fuming, and stalked away.

"She looked really mad at something." Raenef said plaintively, turning worried eyes to Eclipse to ensure that he was not the cause.

Eclipse restrained the urge to say "Good!" because he knew it would only upset his lord into tears, it was better not to do anything to encourage that kind of thing. He only shrugged, "Let her cool off a bit, It was probably the food or something."

"But I thought your cooking was great!" Raenef protested, going teary eyed at the thought that Eclipse may be suffering a self-esteem lapse.

Eclipse cringed, looking around quickly to ensure that no one else had heard that he was doing the cooking.

Raenef's eyes widened, as though he'd just thought of something. "You didn't burn her food to be evil, did you?"

"No." Although he truly wished that Raenef would consider burning something occasionally, even if it was just food.

Erutis stomped through the field, where was he? She was going to pound him into pancakes! 'YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!" she shouted.

"But why would I ever want to?"

Erutis twitched. This was not the irritating male she had been looking for.

"Don't you even have a word for me?" Krayon asked piteously.

"Go away." Erutis replied blankly.

"How can you say such cruel things? I took a lot of trouble to bring this to you!"

She rounded on him angrily, "I don't want whatever...it...sword..."

It was indeed a sword, the most magnificent she had ever seen, damascus bladed and, shining with the power of magic imbued within its blade, and a hilt undecorated with useless fancy bits. He placed it in her unresisting hands, and she felt even in a few moments, that it was not only marvelously light, but perfectly balanced. For the sheer joy of holding it, even forgetting where it came from, she swung it through the air. The blade glimmered, releasing a shockwave of magic, spreading outward from the tip.

Incidentally, this caused a few things to happen. A curse that had been placed over a farmstead mysteriously lifted, sparing the firstborn son from a terrible illness; a princess awoke from a hundred year long slumber; flowers bloomed in a land sown with salt; and Chris suddenly realized that Erutis wasn't all that after all and stared oddly at the bouquet of flowers he held in his hand.

Erutis flipped the sword over in her hand, noticing for the first time, the emblem of Rased formed into the hilt.

"You --" she said, a twitch forming over her left eye, "This is a sword you took off of a dead cleric, isn't it?"

"Well no, he was a paladin." Krayon replied, "And it's not really fair to say "dead" because he's held alive by infernal magic so that he suffers for all eternity."

Erutis went a little pale, fingering the sword a bit gingerly. It's not like she hadn't _threatened _to do something like that, but... "Here, just -- just keep it." She thrust it back at him.

Krayon looked hurt, "But it was a gift."

"I said I don't want it."

"You should take it."

"Nonononononono!"

"What are you trying to say?" Krayon asked, puzzled.

"JUST GO AWAY!"

Krayon pouted.

"And if you take out that harp again, I'll brain you!"

"I will find the way to your heart Erutis." He blew her a kiss.

"Erutis!" Raenef shouted as he came running over the hill. "Hey, you're talking to Krayon."

Krayon frowned, well, so much for the romantic moment alone. "I was just leaving, mate." He touched Erutis's face delicately, "But I will see you later."

She batted his hand away and he disappeared into a swirl of sparkles and flower petals.

"Erutis, Eclipse says we can have dessert now!" Raenef said in excitement, bouncing up and down. "Have you seen Chris?"

Erutis grimianced, but then smiled, "Don't worry, he'll come home when he gets hungry."

It was days later when Chris appeared at the steps of Raenef's castle, the picnic long since over, still clutching the flowers in his hand. He stepped over the threshold of the castle, and stopped, wondering why he was still carrying the flowers he couldn't even recall picking in the first place. He pitched them aside and called out, "YOU LEFT ME BEHIND YOU JERKS!"

"We were done eating, so there was nothing left for you to carry. No need for you."

Chris turned on Erutis, who he had not seen there before. "The demons must be wearing off on you." he muttered.

"Why should I care about someone who never shows up to sword practice?" Erutis declared, shrugging. "Besides, Eclipse was using magic to get us back, and I didn't want to get left behind, so there."

"He could magic us back?" Chris asked dumbfounded. "But, he made us walk the whole way the first time, and I had to carry all that stuff... THAT DIRTY DEMON!" Chis shouted, brushing by Erutis to go face Eclipse.

Erutis watched him go, knowing he'd only get a burnt mouth for his efforts. Served him right trying to skip training with a ridiculous story, that's why he hadn't been with them when it was time to leave. She was about to go see him get his just desserts, when a spot of color caught her eyes, contrasted against the dark stone of the castle. A bouquet of wildflowers, brilliantly colored as though freshly picked, or kept fresh with magic. Picking them up idly, she found a ribbon wrapped around them, marked with her name.

She almost blushed, _this_ was something actually romantic, like her childhood dreams. Compared to what though? She tightened her grip around the hapless flower stems, narrowing her eyes. What else? What other stupid fop could come up to Raenef's demon castle? Who else?

Krayon placed the sword back on the shelf. So, she was upset that he still had the paladin captive? She didn't know him, why care? Or was she just a bit squeamish about his hobbies? That was silly, it was his body, and he had a right to torture who he wanted with it. But he did want her more... Oh, fine. He leaned out the window and blipped the man away. Now, he just had to tell Erutis the sacrifice he had made for her.

Meruhesae fed power back into the viewing bobble. The young priest was having his bottom burned off by an irate Eclipse. Pain, but not chaos, because that always happened, and she sensed no part of her spell anywhere. Could he have avoided it? Noticed it before too late? Or had he actually thrown off her power? What if he was that powerful? She blinked off the bobble vision again. This required some thinking.

Incidentally, the arrival of the paladin at the solemn ceremony marking the three-hundredth anniversary of his valiant sacrifice in war against the demons, caused quite a stir among the clerics of Rased.

Krayon appeared in Raenef's castle, exactly where Erutis was.

He was taken quite off guard by her throwing a bouquet of flowers at him.

"KEEP THEM!" She screeched at him, turning on heel and storming off.

"Thanks, I will!" He answered, in delighted surprise. He looked down at the flowers again.

"I'm so good." He grinned.


End file.
